Dear Fear,
You’ve always been here for as long as I can remember. You’ve really grown on me. With every crisis we face together, we become more inseparable. Every time the world around me shatters or caves in, when the dust clears and I am left alone in the silence of uncertainty, you are there. And you help me as I slowly begin to put the world back together, piece by piece. You tell me what it should look like. What it does look like. And I build it that way.
You are always there to keep me safe and warn me of what could happen. You tell me not to risk rejection or injury. When I reach for something that could be dangerous, you remind me of the scars on my hands from where the shattered pieces of the world cut them. Don’t open your hands or the scars might bleed again.
Sometimes I think you do too much. You hold me too tight. When we rebuild the world together, you paint it in darker colors than I remember.
You say you are keeping me safe, holding me like this. You say you do this because you care about me. But do you know that my lungs are caving in? I can’t even breathe like I used to.
You are so close to me I don’t even know where you end and I begin. I guess this is because you don’t end.
Sometimes I think what you feel for me is beyond just caring. And it’s not love. It’s possession.
You have always said you would never leave me, no matter what. You said I would never have to be alone, because in the moments when I am most alone, you are always there for me.
But I think maybe I would like you to stop being there. I want you to let go of me and leave me alone. I want to trade your company for the ability to breathe again.
You can leave me alone now. I’ll be ok.
I can say this. I can say it over and over. But all the time I’m saying it, I am the one clinging to you.
Because I don’t want to be left alone,
Sincerely Yours,
Me
Vague Thoughts From A Distracted Mind 